Pravin Gordhan delivers a sober mini budget

It was hardly surprising to hear that the road ahead for South Africa is going to be a little … cash-strapped, but not necessarily falling apart. There will be some potholes ahead, and the faded lanes will be hard to discern, but we can keep this economy moving even if it’s at a pace that makes a snail seem like a reckless speedster.

As Gordhan stood at the podium and spoke, two revealing things were happening.

Outside on the streets of the Cape Town CBD, a group of about 100 students broke off from the main group (which had peacefully marched on parliament) and started breaking other people’s stuff due to the lack of immediate free education, further shooting their cause in the foot.

While inside, sitting in full view of the nation during this hugely important speech about the state of our economy and what we need to do to fix it, our President took a nap.

Nothing says “I am extremely concerned about this very concerning matter” like opting to catch some z’s instead of listening.

Sunny side up, soft and runny – here you go NPA

We’re no legal experts, but this whole business of fraud charges over granting someone early retirement seemed a bit silly. At least it’s not just us.

The NPA’s case against Gordhan appears to be falling apart and there has been panic behind the scenes. The Daily Maverick were proud to proclaim that fresh evidence has revealed the fraud charges to be nothing more than a political hit, reporting on an incident that reeks like a garbage dump of desperation. A SARS deputy director of law administration was allegedly held hostage while the Hawks attempted (unsuccessfully) to coerce an affidavit out of him, and he has since filed a list of charges. Calls to 10111 were recorded, and there’s even a video. The Hawks have since claimed it was all staged.

The whole thing is rather complicated but that’s the nutshell summary. Read the full story here.

@barrybateman: #SARShostage dear Hawks – have you considered that the evidence against Xaba and co is solid? Video and sound recordings. Dead. In. Water.

@tumi_ntul508: Shaun Abrahams & Tom Moyane just ended their careers for Zuma and the Guptas #SARShostage 

On the lighter side of things …

There’s was plenty of depressing and miserable news from around the world which we’re going to choose to block out (as one needs to do these days in order to make it out of bed in the mornings) and rather turn our attention to the hashtag, #RequirementsToDateMe:

@desshoperay: #RequirementsToDateMe lift more than me

@Lello_Green: Just don’t major in minor issues #RequirementsToDateme 

@irCadillac: #RequirementsToDateMe: be alive

And we couldn’t ignore the laughs coming from the US with #RejectedTrumpTVShows …

@SkeezyDonald: Lapdancing With the Stars™ #RejectedTrumpTVshows 

@steven_kanter: Orange Is The New White #RejectedTrumpTVshows 

And last but not least, outgoing cool-guy president Obama took some time out to go on Jimmy Kimmel Live and read mean tweets about himself. They included gems like “bro, do you even lift?” and “Barack Obama is the Sharknado of presidents. Loud, stupid and over-hyped.”

The best one of all came from @realDonaldTrump (yes, the real Donald Trump): “President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States.”

Obama’s reply? “At least I will go down as a president.” *dropsmic* #burn

That’s enough for this week. Keep on keeping on good people.