Book review: Death by Carbs

By Darren Gilbert

So begins Paige Nick’s latest novel, Death by Carbs, a troubling scenario that is not too uncommon in modern-day South Africa. And it doesn’t look good for Prof. Noakes either. In fact, within four pages, Nick has killed him off. Sorry Tim.

Fortunately, for readers, this is where the seriousness ends. What follows is a refreshing, off-beat, dark comedy about how people grieve/scheme/rejoice following the demise of Prof. Noakes. And each has their own reason for wanting him dead.

There are the four lesser known co-authors of his book, The Real Meal Revolution, who are sick of taking a back seat. Chef Marco is secretly delighted because the man standing between him and household-name fame is dead. His fellow co-authors, Shaun and Xolisa are planning on becoming the ‘It’ couple of Banting, while the fourth, Shireen, sits in Johannesburg, too distraught to do anything but cry.

There is also Maureen Ewehout. 60-years-old and recently widowed, she has a burgeoning business, selling Tim Noakes ‘ENDORSED’ meal plans. In actual fact, she’s a fraud, having only ever met him once. And even that is debatable. Fortunately for her, no one knows that and with him finally gone, she can cash in. And boy, do the fans on the ‘Banting for Life’ Facebook page love her recipes.

On the other side of town sits Trevor in his office. It’s not yet 08:00, and he’s already weighed up 10 different career alternatives to the one he currently has. He’s the CEO of SnackCorp, a company that manufactures bread, baked goods and snacks. Thanks to Prof. Tim Noakes, it’s a dying industry. If Trevor wants to keep his Merc and penthouse – and continue to pay his ex-wife’s maintenance – he has to do something. The only problem is that Banting has saved his life. But he has a plan. And if all goes well, SnackCorp could be back in business.

Last, but definitely not least, is the ex-publisher, Frank Collins. Frank arrives at work the morning of Noakes death with a bloody and swollen hand. A bitter divorcee and raging alcoholic, Prof. Noakes ruined Frank’s life. He is the man who turned down The Real Meal Revolution, saying it was nothing but a fad. It’s also why, on this particular day, Frank is over the moon. Nothing is going to ruin his day. That is until the news of Prof. Noakes’ death means his books are selling like hot, carbo-loaded cupcakes.

Intertwined between these sad and desperate (but strangely hilarious) group of people are Thabo and his buddy Papsak. These two unfortunate souls managed to hijack the ambulance that was transporting Prof. Noakes to the morgue without realising it. All they wanted was to make some money. Instead they got the professor, aka ‘Uncle Mlungu’ with his beanie and oversized sunglasses.

This is no ordinary murder mystery. In fact, Death by Carbs is not your typical crime novel at all. Instead, it’s a comic romp packed with everything a good book should have: sex, drugs and a stiff old mlungu partying in the back of a BMW.

Breathlessly funny, Death by Carbs is unadulterated fun and has characters that are refreshing and full of life. Don’t expect any seriousness when you sit down to read this. But do expect to want to read it again. And again.

Death by Carbs is published by N&B Books.